When it comes to change, we know that it will eventually happen. However, that doesn’t mean that we are willing to change or find change easy. Sometimes change is downright challenging. Why is that? Change can activate a fight or flight response. When we are in the midst of change we can feel more stressed and when we are stressed we are more likely to enter into fight or flight behaviors. We need to learn how to shift focus in the midst of change.

Change Gets a Bad Rap

There are many jokes on the subject of how difficult it is for people to change. There’s the classic joke that asks how many people it takes to change a light bulb. The answer is always a loud and hesitant, “Change?!” 

I’m amused at this joke mostly because I heard it first as a Protestant.  It went like this, “How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?”

When I converted to Eastern Orthodoxy I heard the same joke. “How many Orthodox does it take to change a light bulb?”

“Change?!” 

Perhaps we aren’t as different as we think.

Analogy from a Turning Boat

Two weekends ago I was able to attend a retreat for young professionals of the Orthodox Christian faith. Among opportunities to learn and grow in faith and community there was a social event on a yacht in the Boston Harbor.

We all braved the Massachusetts chill to cruise around the harbor, eat great food, and dance. I think it’s safe to say that we all enjoyed this opportunity and that it was a great way to bring the retreat to an end.

Dancing on a boat that occasionally turns is where I see the analogy. 

If one really focused on dancing, they might not notice the boat turning. However, in my experience, there were times I would suddenly become aware that my feet were moving to the beat of the music, but my body leaned another direction to the pull of the boat. It is that pull of the boat as it turns that I am referring to.

Shift Your Focus in the Midst of Change (i.e. Lean into the Turn)

As the boat slowly turned in the water, I quickly discovered that if I leaned into the turn of the boat with a spin of my own, it was not only easier on the mind but more fun. 

Why was it easier on the mind? It took my mind off the slow and somewhat wobbly turn we were experiencing.

Isn’t leaning into the turn what we need to do sometimes when life brings about change? Instead, we tend to focus on how wobbly everything is around us or how unstable or how slow things seem.  To shift our focus in the midst of change, perhaps we need to look for a way to spin and lean into the change.

What Does Leaning into Change Look Like?

I can’t say that I know what leaning into the change looks like in every situation, or that I’m particularly good at it.

However, if I can begin to learn how to shift my focus from what is slow and wobbly in the midst of change to ways I might lean into the change, I would consider that progress.

Are you with me?

More Articles to Read

For those that are looking for ways to change attitudes, gain clarity, and make the changes to our behaviors that build a better us.

Posts on Attitude:

Attitude Will Make or Break You

Posts on Behavior:

How do you know good help from bad help?

Posts on Clarity:

How taking the first step clears the way for clarity

Posts on Faith:

Our thoughts impact our life | Introduction to Logismoi

We all have bad habits. It’s incredibly difficult to only have good habits no matter how much we want them. Hopefully, though, there will be a time when the good habits are more motivating than the bad habits. Hopefully, one day we will find it easier to change a bad habit than maintain the disruption, disguise, and dictation of responses that a bad habit invokes.

Why Change Your Bad Habit?

We are aiming for the day when good habits are more motivating to maintain than the bad habits. To do this we need to understand why we would want to change a bad habit. What’s wrong with having a few bad habits? Should you change your bad habit?

A bad habit:

1. Disrupts

When you engage in a bad habit it takes you away from something. You are choosing one set of choices over something else. A habit of checking your phone every couple of minutes is disruptive. It keeps you focused on something that isn’t in the room with you. You end up missing moments with the people around you. A habit of staying up too late is disruptive. It throws off your sleep pattern and lowers your energy.

Can you think of a common bad habit and why it would be disruptive?

2. Disguises

Bad habits are probably easier to engage in than a good habit sometimes. Why? It might help us disguise the deeper issues we need to face. Maybe that bad habit was picked up to avoid dealing with something else. It could be an intentional or unintentional decision, but if we look closely at our behavior and get in touch with our emotions and do some reflection. We can start to understand what might be motivating our bad habits.

What do you think are some of the common emotions or situations that people disguise with a bad habit?

3. Dictates

When we engage in a bad habit for an extended amount of time we are training our brains to respond in that way. A bad habit dictates how we handle situations. We automatically pick up the phone as soon as we wake up. Before we even wake up, we’re on social media. We didn’t even think about it. It just happened. You could argue that a good habit also dictates how we handle situations, but the difference is that a bad habit is often not helping us accomplish our goals and a good habit can help us move forward.

How do you know if one of your habits is a good habit or a bad habit?

Summary of Reasons to Change Your Bad Habit

In Conclusion, if we let our bad habits reign we have developed a negative coping response. By that I mean, we’re ignoring our underlying needs and we’re giving into what might be easier solutions to the pain or sadness, anxiety, or whatever emotion or situation it is that we don’t want to deal with. A bad habit might hide the problem, but it doesn’t really give us the inspiration to move on or move forward.

How do we know if we are faced with a bad habit?

Ask yourself these three things 1) Is it disruptive? 2) Does it disguise a deep issue? 3) Is it dictating in a way that helps me move forward and accomplish big things or is it holding me back?

Behavior Challenge:  Reflect on one or two of your habits and consider it in light of the 3 D’s mentioned above. Is it a good habit or a bad habit?

Change and growth means a lot of thought and work. The process to a better life isn’t always pretty and we might not want to talk about it. Before we succeed we might look like we are failing. Yet to move from our old way of life to our new way of life we need to admit that there is a problem. This is the first step to move forward in life.

Admitting there is a problem

Y’all, we are never going to change anything in our lives if we can’t admit that there’s a problem. This is the hard truth, written by someone that has experienced this first hand.

There was a time in my life where I experienced feeling stuck and hopeless.

I couldn’t improve my living situation, because I couldn’t improve my job situation. Yet, I’m going to take that further. I couldn’t improve my job situation, because I couldn’t improve my outlook on life.

I couldn’t improve my outlook on life, because I didn’t want to admit that there was a problem. So instead of making a change to move forward in life I did what might be happening to you, or to someone that you know.

I was running in circles instead of running forward.

Only when I admitted that there was a problem, could I begin to work towards solving that problem. This is what I believe happened to me in my faith journey as well.

Admitting that there is a problem continues to help move me forward in all areas of my life. Admitting that there is a problem is huge. If you can do that, you can start to move forward in life.

Another step to moving forward is what I call doing the work.

 Doing the work

Once we admit that there is a problem we can use that momentum to help us get unstuck by reflecting, changing how we think, and setting goals.

Yet somewhere in the progress of change, we realize that we have a plan or idea that we want to do, but we can’t seem to make it happen. Or we might know what we need to do or want to change, but we find it hard to act.

Personal growth sounds great until we realize that growth requires action.

Let’s admit that we often times want the learning of the skills needed to be enough to move us forward.

Yet no one grows into perfection overnight. The journey of behavior change takes time and commitment and practice. I find that is the same with my growth in faith as well.

Confronting what we want to change

In both cases we have to confront what it is in our life that we want to change and then seek out ways to change it. Growth and change are not magical experiences even when you are faced with a powerful faith experience, like I was, or a killer science based growth tool. You have to do the work.

Sometimes doing the work is messy or takes a long time. Sometimes we are doing the work and making progress, but to others it seems like we aren’t because they don’t have the full picture. They either don’t know where we started from or they can’t see the changes happening.

It’s in this space where it is important to acknowledge your small wins and seek out people who will listen to and celebrate your growth wins–no matter how small the wins are.

Move forward in life

In conclusion, the best way to move forward in life is to admit that there is a problem and stick with the work that needs to be done to solve the problem.

I hope that in sharing what has helped me move forward in life that others will gain some encouragement that there is hope for a better day.

Feeling stuck doesn’t have to be a permanent feeling.

As someone that tried time and time again to figure out the process of how to move forward in life, admitting that there is a problem and doing the work are the best steps that I know to take at this time.

Is there another step you would add that would help someone wanting to move forward?

Behavior Challenge: What is the easiest step that you could take right now to work on a goal that you made but are having a difficult time following through with?

In my last post, Faith and Behavior: Why do we keep faith and behavior quiet?, I stated that in this blog, I want to provide a safe place to share behavior change goals and growth. I also stated that I want to open the dialogue of faith and behavior. As I continue to figure out how this works in the format of this blog, I appreciate your thoughts and feedback.

On the journey of personal development it can be easy to focus solely on that which you want to improve or still struggle with. Sometimes we forget to celebrate or don’t notice when we take a step forward in an area we are working on. Embracing the small changes in your life can make a big difference. 

Embracing the small changes in relating to others

One area in my life where I see small changes happening continually is in the area of relationships. To someone on the outside, perhaps I seem like the same single lady I was a year ago, or even this morning, but I’m not.

A year ago, I was not embracing the small changes. I was too focused on not seeing the entire picture worked out in front of me at the snap of a finger. I had some healing and learning to do and I wanted it to happen right away-like yesterday.

Yet that attitude did not help me to heal or learn how to be a better person. Instead, it focused me on a need to control.

Small and internal changes are key to growth

How did I go from needing control to learning to let control go?

Prayer, other practices of my faith, and learning to be grateful along the way help me to let go of the need to control.

In the midst of my prayers, faith practices, and gratitude I am beginning to embrace the small changes that I notice in myself.

Perhaps no one else notices these small changes in how I approach a relationship. That’s okay. They are small and internal changes. However, the more I notice the small changes the more the small changes seem like big change.

This is how I heal and grow-one step, one change, one moment at a time. In hopes that the small changes will one day become so obvious that there’s no question at how far I have come.

Small changes can equal big change

If you start to embrace the small changes in your life they might start to feel like big changes. Small changes add up to big change.

Celebrating a small change can be as simple as writing it down in a gratitude journal or other type of reflection journal. It can be identifying a small change that you see and smiling about it. Perhaps you can share the change with someone you trust.

Noticing changes as they take place might mean stopping in the midst of the struggle and looking for the positive. Maybe it is taking a deep breathe and turning to God. It might mean taking an intentional look at where you are compared to where you were before.

Focusing on the small changes can help you stay positive and focused on that big change target.

Staying positive and focused

Stopping to celebrate a small change can help you stay away from negative thinking and can help your clarity as well. The growth from personal development comes with the struggles, small steps, and small changes that we make. Embracing the small changes in your life is a worthy goal.

What do you do to notice, celebrate, and embrace the small changes?

Comment on this post to share how you embrace the small changes in your life.

Behavior Challenge: Take note of a small change that you are making in an area that is important to you. Embrace the small change and celebrate it in a way that encourages you to keep changing. If it’s a bigger change from the result of several small changes, celebrate that too.