We all have bad habits. It’s incredibly difficult to only have good habits no matter how much we want them. Hopefully, though, there will be a time when the good habits are more motivating than the bad habits. Hopefully, one day we will find it easier to change a bad habit than maintain the disruption, disguise, and dictation of responses that a bad habit invokes.

Why Change Your Bad Habit?

We are aiming for the day when good habits are more motivating to maintain than the bad habits. To do this we need to understand why we would want to change a bad habit. What’s wrong with having a few bad habits? Should you change your bad habit?

A bad habit:

1. Disrupts

When you engage in a bad habit it takes you away from something. You are choosing one set of choices over something else. A habit of checking your phone every couple of minutes is disruptive. It keeps you focused on something that isn’t in the room with you. You end up missing moments with the people around you. A habit of staying up too late is disruptive. It throws off your sleep pattern and lowers your energy.

Can you think of a common bad habit and why it would be disruptive?

2. Disguises

Bad habits are probably easier to engage in than a good habit sometimes. Why? It might help us disguise the deeper issues we need to face. Maybe that bad habit was picked up to avoid dealing with something else. It could be an intentional or unintentional decision, but if we look closely at our behavior and get in touch with our emotions and do some reflection. We can start to understand what might be motivating our bad habits.

What do you think are some of the common emotions or situations that people disguise with a bad habit?

3. Dictates

When we engage in a bad habit for an extended amount of time we are training our brains to respond in that way. A bad habit dictates how we handle situations. We automatically pick up the phone as soon as we wake up. Before we even wake up, we’re on social media. We didn’t even think about it. It just happened. You could argue that a good habit also dictates how we handle situations, but the difference is that a bad habit is often not helping us accomplish our goals and a good habit can help us move forward.

How do you know if one of your habits is a good habit or a bad habit?

Summary of Reasons to Change Your Bad Habit

In Conclusion, if we let our bad habits reign we have developed a negative coping response. By that I mean, we’re ignoring our underlying needs and we’re giving into what might be easier solutions to the pain or sadness, anxiety, or whatever emotion or situation it is that we don’t want to deal with. A bad habit might hide the problem, but it doesn’t really give us the inspiration to move on or move forward.

How do we know if we are faced with a bad habit?

Ask yourself these three things 1) Is it disruptive? 2) Does it disguise a deep issue? 3) Is it dictating in a way that helps me move forward and accomplish big things or is it holding me back?

Behavior Challenge:  Reflect on one or two of your habits and consider it in light of the 3 D’s mentioned above. Is it a good habit or a bad habit?

Success often requires behavior change, but that isn’t always easy. Changing the way we think can impact how we behave. However, we might continue our behaviors even when we start thinking differently, because it’s become a habit. To get to our destination, better habits, we need to understand how habits are formed.

Give yourself time and find your why

In my journey of setting goals and focusing on the changes I need to make in my thinking, I’ve learned that good habits will help achieve goals and bad habits will derail a goal. If we want to succeed where we haven’t yet succeeded we probably need to make some changes to our behaviors.

In one of my earlier articles, I wrote about why behavior change is important for personal growth. In that article I highlighted 2 aspects of behavior change:  1) All the change shouldn’t happen at once and 2) give yourself time to understand the why.

As we take a look at how habits are formed, let’s keep the above aspects of behavior change in mind.

Building better habits starts small. I didn’t suddenly load half of my plate with vegetables. First, I started reading a book that explained food in a way that I understood. Then, I started adding a few more fruits and vegetables to my plate. The change took time and it was easier when I understood why it was so important and started small.

Yet, sometimes the habits we need to break are intimidating. Perhaps we haven’t yet figured out what is driving the bad habit. How can we change it? 

If we can learn how to change the habits that hold us back, we can begin to move forward.

For this article I share resources on how habits are formed. The resources include a couple posts from leadership mentor Michael Hyatt and a short video by the author of The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg.

Let’s dive in.

Bad habits have a trigger

How does a bad habit become a bad habit?

It needs a trigger.

A trigger is what kicks off the behavior so to speak. When we encounter the trigger we do the habit.

Ex: When I see Carla, I look down and walk past her. The trigger is seeing Carla. The bad habit is looking down as I walk past Carla. Why I look down is the reward that I get from looking down when I see Carla. We’ll get to that in a minute. The reward is the third section of what is called the habit loop.

The habit loop explained

There is a book on my reading list called The Power of Habit. While I haven’t read it yet, I have heard about the 3 sections of what is called a habit loop. The habit loop starts with a cue, is followed by a routine, and ends with a reward. The habits we have are based on cues from something in our environment. The cue causes the routine of practicing the habit when we encounter the cue. The reward we get from our engaging in the habit is what keeps us in the habit loop.

There is a great video that explains the habit loop and process of habit formation. It’s easy to follow and it goes into how you can figure out what your reward is for a behavior that has become a habit. It’s a short video from the author of The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg. Watch How to break habits (from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg).

Michael Hyatt has also shared a written version of the process of breaking bad habits if you’d prefer to read it (or check out both for more emphasis). Actually, there is a pretty funny video that is linked to Michael Hyatt’s article if you need some comic relief on the subject of behavior change.

Review of the habit loop

To review, a habit is formed by the repeated routine of engaging in a particular behavior. The behavior starts by a cue. Something in our environment, such as the time of day, location, actions, and emotions, triggers a behavior. We do the behavior when we are cued. It becomes a habit. We keep it up because we are being rewarded in some way for our behavior. Maybe it’s socialization, maybe it’s a need to move around the office, or perhaps we get a certain feeling from the behavior-if I don’t talk in the meeting I can’t get my ideas shot down.  If I look down when I walk by Carla, she doesn’t stop me in the hallway to talk.

Looking down isn’t bad in and of itself. However, Carla now thinks I’m mad at her or uninterested in her company.

Why am I looking down? Let’s see if we can figure out the reward.

Why am I engaging in this particular habit?

Just like in the How to break habits (from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg) video, the way to figure out why you are engaging in the habit is to find the reward.

I look down when I see Carla in the hall. There must be a need that looking down fills. That would be the reward that I get from looking down. Consider it from various angles.

Perhaps my schedule and Carla’s schedule only ever intersect right after I’ve had a tough department meeting.

What might I need following a tough meeting? Theory 1) Quiet time and space to process the meeting. If it’s this theory, perhaps I could stay in the meeting room for 5 minutes after everyone leaves and take time to review notes that I took or write down ideas. Theory 2) The meeting reminded me how much I need to do and I need boundaries on how long I will talk in the hallway before excusing myself. If it’s this theory I can allow myself to talk to Carla for a couple minutes and then politely excuse myself.

To break the habit figure out what reinforces the behavior

Writing it out like this is a great exercise in figuring out the different steps in the habit loop and what possible rewards would be.

From a behavior analytic view, we are going to continue to do a behavior as long as that behavior is reinforced. The key to breaking the habit is to figure out what is reinforcing that behavior. Is it really avoiding a person like it might seem on the outside, or is a deeper need, like the need for reflection time or a need to respect your time? To change the behavior is to create a better habit.

Resources on how to form a good habit

I’ve compiled some resources for those that are interested in reading more on building better habits.

The Easiest Way to Overcome Bad Habits by Michael Hyatt – The easiest way might not focus on quitting the bad habit, but on what you can do to build a good habit.

How to Form a New Habit (in 8 Easy Steps) from developgoodhabits.com – Steps 3, 5, and 7 are especially important. Step 3 – Tie your new habit to an already established habit. Step 5 – Create a plan for when you hit a road block. Step 7 – This step is titled Reward Important Milestones, but it’s really about celebration. If we call it celebration it separates it from the section of the habit loop that is called Reward. Celebrating progress even when it’s small is important for forming good habits.

How to form a New Habit (in 5 Easy Steps) published on Inc. – Step 3 is very important. They call it resisting temptation. Make it easier to do the new habit rather than the old habit.

Summary of how habits are formed

In Conclusion, habit formation is summed up by the habit loop. Habits are triggered by something-that’s the cue. Habits become habits when we repeat the behavior. It becomes a routine. Finally, there is a reward that is received from the continuing of the habit.

To change the habit, get to the reward. Find out what you are getting out of your behavior.

To makes changes you might be more successful building a new healthy habit rather than tacking the bad habit directly. Pair your starting of a new habit with a habit that you already have and are strong in.

Create a plan for how you will go about changing your behavior, but also for what you will do when you encounter something difficult that would normally result in going back to the bad habit. In that plan, create ways to make the new habit easier than the one you are trying to replace. Lastly, remember to celebrate the steps you make to build better habits.

Have you read The Power of Habit? Are there key points from the book that you found helpful in understanding habit formation? Do you recommend any other books on habit formation?

Behavior Challenge:  Practice looking at a bad habit through the lens of trying to find what reward that behavior might be providing. You can choose one of your own habits or start by imagining a bad habit and its possible rewards.

Do we know how to handle fear? Do we really understand what our fears are telling us? Can we use our fears to promote growth and courage? These are topics that Kate Swoboda, author of The Courage Habit, writes and speaks about.  

Courage Habits versus Fear-Based Habits

The Courage Habit, as outlined by Kate, includes 4 researched behaviors, which I will outline below. I came across this information as she spoke about it on a podcast interview by Jenny Blake of the Pivot Podcast. The researched behaviors were found to increase confidence and bring about positive changes in behaviors.

If we know what these courage habit behaviors are we can stop ourselves while in the midst of fear-based behaviors. We can break free from acting out of habits that place fear at the center of our attention and instead engage in habits that build courage.

Ways that we handle fear that puts fear at the center of our attention

Kate Swoboda identifies 3 common ways we handle fear:

• Ignore/avoid
• Please it/placate it
• Attack it

The problem that Kate identifies is that we aren’t actually handling our fears and getting to the root of the problem when we handle fear in any of these ways.

I’ve run across these methods for handling fear in my own journey. I’ve given into my fear. I’ve tried to ignore my fear. I’ve found that some people in the personal development world suggest I attack my fears.

Yet Kate is right. When we handle our fears in these ways, we aren’t getting to the root of the problem.

All of the above methods for handling fear place fear at the center of our attention. We’re acting in response to our fear, not using our fear to promote growth or courage.

Kate Swoboda suggests that we instead embrace the courage habit.

What is the courage habit?

4 behaviors that make up the courage habit:

• Accessing the body
• Listening without attachment
• Reframing limiting stories
• Reaching out to create community

In the podcast explanation of these behaviors, Kate explained that accessing the body looks like noticing what your fear feels like and where you feel that fear. Listening without attachment and reframing limiting stories work together. Give your fear a voice, listen to it, but don’t hold on to the story that it’s telling you.

Reframing limiting stories might sound familiar as I wrote about reframing limiting beliefs here. It’s the same idea applied to working through your fears.

Here’s what really struck me about Kate’s call for reaching out to create community as a behavior that develops courage. She said that if we hideaway and don’t show ourselves -as we are- to others, that we can stop trusting ourselves in the process. It can become more difficult to bring others into our lives. That is a powerful way to look at the importance for cultivating relationships with those around us.

How to handle fear by developing a courage habit

After listening to the Kate Swoboda interview with Jenny Blake, I am interested in reading Kate’s book The Courage Habit and learning more.

Have you read the Courage Habit?

Which courage habit behavior comes easiest to you?

Which behavior is the most difficult?

Behavior Challenge: Learning about our fears.

Notice in what situations you feel fear. Write down the types of situations or circumstances where you feel fear.

This might typically be the time where you give yourself a hard time for being afraid of this or that, but think of it as research. If you know what situations or circumstances trigger your fear, you prepare yourself for the next time you are faced with that fear.

If you want to hear more from Kate Swoboda, listen to the podcast here: Cultivate a Courage Habit with Kate Swoboda.

Other posts on podcasts: How do you know you made the right decision?

We are already acting in ways that determine our future. However, we are often not aware of what we are doing. All of our actions are behaviors. We have used those behaviors to form habits. Sometimes we have created really great habits that will propel our lives forward. Other times we have unintentionally created habits that will keep us stuck and drain our momentum. Let’s look at why behavior change is important for personal growth.

Behavior and it’s Effects

If it is something we are doing, it is a behavior.

Sometimes our learned behaviors don’t serve us in the way we would like.

Think about how much of our financial situation is based on our behavior. Consider how much of our struggle with reaching a healthy weight or growing in our spirituality is based on our behavior. Even our success or failure in a particular job or relationship is based on our behavior.

Behavior Change Important for Personal Growth

In my journey to set goals that I will actually keep, I am learning that a lot of my success or failure in meeting goals are affected by my behavior. What am I doing to make it more likely that I meet the goals I set? I am learning to look critically at my actions and seek ways to improve my behaviors.

Tips for Taking a Step to Change Your Behavior

These tips might seem incredibly basic, but sometimes I think we make things too complicated.

2 Aspects of Behavior Change:

1. All the change shouldn’t happen at once.

If one habit takes 66, or more, days to become ingrained we should limit the changes we  focus on.

2. Give yourself time to understand the why.

When you are setting a behavior goal/trying to build a new habit, it’s important to slow down and understand the why.

Now, let’s unpack these aspects.

Change Takes Time

Changing behavior takes time. It is a fast world we live in, but if you want to change your behavior or build new habits give yourself time.

If you want to build a new habit, the average number of days that it takes to build a new habit is 66 days. It might take less than 66 days, but it also might take more than 66 days (based on a research article by Dr. Phillippa Lally on habit formation).

If we take on too many behaviors at once we are more likely to fall off the behavior-change-wagon.

Understand The Why

The last time I set a health goal and did not take the time to understand why the changes were important, I didn’t achieve what I wanted to achieve. I wanted to take the fast track. I made a goal to establish the new habits without a deeper understanding of why my habit changes would be important.

Instead of going somewhere and accomplishing my health goal, I fell off the behavior-change-wagon…after a day or two. I did not take time to understand the why.

Summary

In Conclusion, our habits can either move us forward or keep us stuck. To continue to grow we need to look at our behaviors and their effects. If we are trying to change our behaviors we need to remember 2 things. 1) Take it slow. 2) Understand why the change is important.

If you’re focused on behavior change and personal growth give me an “I’m in” in the comments below.

Behavior Challenge: Think of a goal that you have or a goal that you want to set. Dig deep into why this goal is important to you. If you have already identified a “why” for your goal, go back and revisit your “why” to help you keep up your motivation.

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Read more on Habit Formation:

How Habits are Formed | Beginners Guide

3 Reasons to Change Your Bad Habit