Around some people there is an air of confidence and around others the lack of confidence is obvious. Still others are somewhere in the middle. Is there a secret to confidence? When we are confident we are more likely to do the things we want to do. However, confidence isn’t as easy to grow in ourselves as it is to spot in other people.

The secret to confidence

I am working to grow my confidence. I say grow because it doesn’t happen overnight.

I can’t say that I have the secret to gaining more confidence, but I’ve learned the importance of sharing where you are. So here is where I am in growing an attitude of confidence and discovering the secret to confidence.

It’s about perseverance and action.

The way to confidence through perseverance

As I was drafting my thoughts for this article, I realized that perseverance through difficult situations has influenced my level of confidence. There are several situations that I can pull up in my mind that have been trying situations through which I’ve persevered.

I’ve faced each of those trials without giving up as soon as it got hard. This gives me the confidence that I can face present and future trials confidently. It is the ability to persevere which grows my confidence.

The way to confidence through action

JUST ____.

I know you think I’m quoting Nike, but I’m not. Or maybe I am. In this case, however, you get to answer the fill in without the visual of the commercial.

Seriously, it took me months to regrow my confidence in the level of my writing skills after I started this blog.

JUST…whatever it is you need to do.

I had to JUST WRITE.

Even though I have always loved writing and have always done well in writing, picking it up again to start this blog meant that I had to shake the dust off my writing skills. I hadn’t written anything (I’d even stopped journaling!) and here I wanted to go public with my posts!

Those first few posts were difficult, because I lacked the full confidence in my skills that I once had. However, I regained my confidence in my writing skills by persevering through those first few drafts and posts….through those first few months.

I had to JUST WRITE.

In conclusion, I think that confidence is a muscle. You can work that muscle out and you can’t expect it to grow unless you do.

What’s your fill in answer? Today I need to JUST _____.

Behavior Challenge: Pick it. Do it. Answer the above fill in and do it.

Finding time for silence and reflection often gets pushed aside. There’s too much to do to. You’ve been going, going, going and just want to lounge on the couch and watch a movie or listen to music. Maybe you don’t like silence. Maybe reflection isn’t something you’re used to and you can’t understand why someone would want to be so thoughtful about everything. Some people enjoy silence and reflection and others are struggling to use it wisely. Which one are you?

What we avoid: silence, reflection, and veggies.

I had a strange thought yesterday and I want to run it by you. I’ve been making a lot of changes to what and how I eat, so keep that in mind.

Our language about vegetables and silence are more similar than you’d think. Veggies are rich in nutrients and they are good for our bodies. Silence is rich in opportunity for clarity and it’s good for our minds.

Yet we like to avoid them.

Why do we always blame the veggies?

“Opps, I got too many veggies!” I bet we’ve all said that many times.

Or me just after my meal tonight, “I ate too many vegetables.”

Veggies aren’t the bad stuff. Do we really get or eat too many vegetables?

Thanks to some reading in this area, I am working to think different thoughts about vegetables. Like this, “Alright, I’m good. Half my plate is veggies.”

Or “I love steamed broccoli!”

Or “I ate too much meat (or bread, or potatoes).”

Do you hear the difference? With the thinking about veggies as something negative we are framing our experience of veggies as negative. Therefore we don’t eat as many of them. Veggies are really good for us though, so thinking of them in a positive way will likely improve our health.

The same goes for silence and reflection.

Why do we always blame the silence?

Ok, maybe not always, but think about sayings like these, “It’s too quiet in here!”

“I just spent way too much time thinking.”

Are you going to explode if it’s too quiet? (Extroverts, I see you nodding your heads yes.) Did you think that you could make a big decision without a bit of thought?

It’s so difficult these days to unplug, but it’s important for our clarity.

We open ourselves up to more clarity when we are able to spend time thinking about next steps, future goals, what we really want to do, and how we want to do it.

If we can see how our clarity is affected by our thoughts, we can work towards saying things like, “This quiet is just what I need to do some reflection on my day and see if there is anything to be learned from the day.” Or “I just had a very helpful reflective session and I feel clearer about my next steps.”

Silence is as good as veggies. Let’s not waste it or pass it up.

Do you enjoy silence and reflection or is it something that you have to work at?

Behavior Challenge: Turn off your screen after this post and sit in silence for a minute. Or, if you usually do things on the computer while listening to something in the background turn that background sound off. Be present to what you are working on or doing.

You thought I was going to make you eat veggies. That’s the Bonus Challenge.

However, if you are looking for a different way to approach your health and weight loss, or want to know where I got my energy for vegetables, read Mini Habits for Weight Loss (I currently don’t have any affiliate links).

Here’s more reading on changing those negative thoughts: What’s a Limiting Belief and Why Should I Care?

What to do when you don’t know what to do.

Not knowing what to do can be extremely frustrating. Likewise, it can be frustrating if you know what you want to do, but you don’t know how to get there If gaining clarity is the best way to move forward and accomplish big things, how do you gain clarity? How do you gain clarity when your destination is unknown?

Let go of the lack of clarity

In my journey to understand and gain clarity, I have started to re-frame how I think about the uncertain steps and destinations. I used to get frustrated when I felt a lack of clarity, because I wanted more clarity than I currently had. I focused on the lack of clarity.  

I’m not saying that I never get frustrated or that I always know what to do and where to go next. Clarity is a process. I am still growing clarity in my own life. However, it’s not as frustrating as it once was.

A yearly process of reflection and goal setting has enabled me to re-frame and let go of the lack of clarity. Each year that I’ve gone through the reflection and goal setting process, I set better goals. I set better goals, because each year I gain more clarity by going through the process.

This has led me to re-frame thoughts about clarity that were previously focused on lacking to thoughts that focus on growth.

“It’s not a lack of clarity. It’s a growing clarity.” – Mary Blacklock 

Clarity will grow when you do the work to grow it.

3 ways to gain clarity

Growing in clarity has been a huge relief for me and I want to share what I’m learning. In upcoming posts on clarity I will write in light of the following 3 topics.

Grow your clarity in these 3 ways:

1. Reflection

Articles will share information about intentional reflection processes that will help grow clarity. They will look at ways to reflect and evaluate so that clarity comes with each reflection.

2. Action

It’s that “Do the work.” thing again. Doing the work for growing your clarity means taking actions that aid in your reflection, such as brainstorming. Articles will focus on how we can take action to grow our clarity.

3. Knowing Where You Are (Self-awareness)

This one is the most important of the 3. If you know yourself you are better able to reflect and take action in a meaningful way. There are many emotions and states of being that affect our ability to know ourselves. Articles will focus on learning how different states of being and emotions affect our clarity.

The 3 ways that I highlight here will be the focus of my posts on clarity in the coming year. I am excited to bring you monthly posts that dig into the issue of gaining and growing clarity.

Knowing how to gain more clarity comes from knowing how to grow your clarity.

Be sure to check back at the beginning of each month for posts on clarity. You can also subscribe to my mailing list so you don’t miss a post.

Behavior Challenge: Instead of focusing on how much you lack in knowing what to do, focus on how much you are closing the lack of knowledge gap.

Read these top posts on clarity:

3 Tips to Jump Start Your Personal Reflection Habit

How to Move Forward in Life

Why is Behavior Change Important for Personal Growth?

Negativity Affected My Ability to Gain Clarity

2 Ways to Cope When You Don’t Know the End Goal

There are only a few days left in the year!  Some scramble to finish goals strong and others wish that they hadn’t given up on a goal. Can you relate? Maybe you are someone that didn’t set goals for the past year. Maybe you are wondering how to make the coming year a more meaningful and focused year.  Journaling is a helpful tool for gathering your end of the year thoughts. Read below for journal prompts for the end of the year.

Did you try the holiday journal prompts?

Before we get to the end of the year journal prompts, did you try any of the holiday journal prompts for the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas? The prompt I had the most success with was the one that encouraged going back through the day to identify where others helped you and where you were helped by others.

If you tried any of the holiday journal prompts, I would love your thoughts on them. Leave me a comment on this page.

End of the Year Journal Prompts on Celebrations

If you missed my post on celebrating your successes you can read it now. It’s important to celebrate your wins from the year. One way to acknowledge your wins and reflect on them is to journal about it.

1. What is one success that I celebrated well?
2. Were there any successes that I could have celebrated better? If so, name them. Is there a win that I haven’t celebrated?
3. How can I improve my process for coming up with ways to celebrate and following through with those celebrations?

End of the Year Journal Prompts on Attitude

1. What was the most helpful attitude that I embraced this year? (What helped me grow?)
2. What was the least helpful attitude that I embraced this year? (What held me back?)
3. How can I begin to change the least helpful attitude?

End of the Year Journal Prompts on Clarity

1. Am I resisting setting a goal in a particular area or not acting on a desire to change?
2. If so, am I resisting the goal, or not acting on the desire to change, because I am afraid of either success or failure? Name the fear specifically.
3. What area in my life causes me the most pain and struggle right now? (There’s so much room to grow!)

Try the journal prompts for the end of the year!

Journaling can seem intimidating, especially if it’s not a habit. However, it is a great tool for processing and gathering thoughts. I hope that the above journal prompts will get the wheels turning for you. Grab a pen, or pencil if you like, and let’s start writing! Write with the intention of reflecting on what went well this year and what needs improvement, so that next year will be even better!

Behavior Challenge: Pick one of the three categories of celebrations, attitude, and clarity to journal about each day of the remaining days of the year.

How do you reflect on your year?

Is there an area of focus that I didn’t mention that you journal about at the end of the year?

For more reading on attitudes that will help you grow:

Develop a Grateful Mind

What is a Limiting Belief and Why Should We Care? 

For more reading on clarity:

2 Ways to Cope When You Don’t Know the End Goal

3 Tips to Jump-Start Your Personal Reflection Habit